Sample scene flavor one for marvel_universe

[cold_shoulder]

Since they had given him the assignment to train operatives, the Winter Soldier had seen quite a few go through the Red Room - the training for which happened far from only in any particular room. Most of them were fast and precise and eager to do things right. Some of them were smart and could be taught to be quick-thinking.

But nobody had been using their mind to the objective at hand until she had appeared, gun in one hand and grenade in the other. Brave, determined, beautiful. Not allowing herself to be distracted from the tasks she had, and at the same time with a hint of a sense of humor which meshed inexplicably well with him, somewhere below the level of his usual thought processes.

He's been watching, yes.

Natalia Romanova.

He'd been watching others try to emulate her, too, and had been greatly amused at girls imitating her motions without fully realizing the ideas behind them. And then feel disappointed at failing.

But mostly, he'd been watching her. He wasn't allowed access to much information about her; that was classified and not a part of his assignment. So he'd been piecing things together. Little things betrayed by her motions, but her reactions to knowledge betrayed by others.

And he'd been watching the beauty of her. The dancer training was clear in everything from her flexibility to the graceful efficiency of her motions. It stirred something in him. Something warm and unknown and strange, separate from the definite physical desire. The latter he could define and control. The former... it confused him. And drew him closer to her, until the evening when, all exercises complete, he knocked on her window.

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[cold_shoulder]

"Oh yeah," he breathed over her lips. "I'll be back." He knew it wasn't a question just as well as she did; however, the other part...

Somehow, from the depth of confusion and exhaustion, a slight hint of a challenge tickled him with her words. And he gave in to it, it was more familiar, after all... and possibly safer, on the off chance that despite her day, somebody might decide to include her in this at the last moment. He kissed her again, quiet but fast and deep, and then his eyes crinkled slightly.

"Know your terrain. Move like a shadow."

And he did disengage, though it took him an effort to make it as light as he could, and slid silently to the wall by the window to get a view of the outside without being noticed. The window was far less trouble to open quietly from this side, and with a nod good-night (or maybe, this is how it's done) he slipped out, and up. Small controlled bursts of motion, quieter than the wind making things creak, keeping his mechanical arm moving to its quietest minimal range and never moving long enough or abruptly enough to catch attention. It was only dangerous while he could be connected with where he was coming out from; being out and about in the night in a place where he was supposed to give roster duty in the protection of wasn't going to raise any flags. But until he was safely away... well. He was a ghost.

A ghost. Nobody existing.

The words were taking a whole different meaning inside his mind by the time he reached his own room, and he started the routine of securing the weapons that had been about his clothing and arranging them so that they would be accessible to him but not anybody coming into the room and a stranger to it. Systematic; mechanic.

He had no idea how he ended up sitting in bed, the blanket wrapped tightly around him and his knees curled up under his chin, shivering.

It hurt, trying to remember past waking up without his arm and trying to answer questions he didn't have the answers to. There were facts hanging over the empty space, but they didn't fit with it, corners sticking out and grating in the chill void. It literally hurt, but he wasn't going to stand up and retch, he didn't have energy left for that.

The facts didn't quiet fit. They made a story, but it wasn't his story, which would make sense if he had another story. But he didn't. Little shreds, barely more than ratty threads, like glimpses of where some of his motions came from, flashes of images too quick to catch. The name, the name he had given when she had asked. The kisses which were so hauntingly familiar as action and he couldn't recall a single thing about any kisses before. The certainty and the want and the defiance against knowing what he should do in this situation.

This wasn't the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier executed orders. Precisely and infallibly. And yet this difference... it was him. It fit in the emptiness better than the life before losing his arm that he knew... that he knew about.

When the waves of nausea receded, he was still clinging to that. Sticking to what he wanted. Making it work, despite the impossible odds. Making what work? Well, it was too soon to say. But... this. That. Which had happened in her room. Her. Natalia. Her and him and the way his knees were trying to turn to cheese when her eyes lit up because of him, or the way his whole body... heh. That effect was done with, after the attempt to see through the darkness, but he had been on fire, a burst of energy he was probably going to pay for, tomorrow.

There was so much about this which he would be paying for. Him, not them. Whatever happened, she would be protected from the responsibility of this. He was her trainer. She had to trust him, do as he said. That was going to be his story if... or when it all went south.

His mind was picking apart the possibilities of their course of action - their - when exhaustion finally overtook him with its own different kind of demon-ridden darkness.

[natalia_romanova]

Their reaction to the encounter could not have been more different. Natalia slept, though she thought she would never be able to, just after he’d ghosted away she changed to her nightgown and drifted off as soon as she’d slipped under the covers. She dreamed, and in the logic that could only apply in dreams, they were together. Not here, the air was hot and thick with moisture, the sun beat down with a warmth she’d never felt. Vaguely, idly her mind filled in the gap that it must be Africa. But why were they there?

He was speaking about a mission, but she was distracted by creatures she’d never dreamed to see in person. Sleek predatory cats, long necked giraffes, huge wandering elephants. It was fantastical and she wasted none of it on talk of missions. Her hand grabbed his and she ran toward the sounds of surf…Surf? Suddenly they were on a coast. The cool salty ocean splashed lightly over her toes as they sunk in the sand. They were alone, together and away from the demands of Red Room. Here in a land of sun and beauty unknown, free to be together.

She woke with a smile. Her face bright, eyes shining. Natalia remembered only bits and pieces of her dream, but everything of the night before. She was more determined than ever to exceed expectations, it reflected on him after all as much as herself. Changed, dressed and bounding with energy she arrived to train only to find new orders.

Natalia blinked and looked from the paper handed to her back to the General. “Field survival exercise?” The details were simple, released to the wild, minimal provisions, extraction at a planned time, contact only by emergency. She tried to contain the trembling of her hand when she read further, her instructor.. The Winter Soldier would be conducting the exercise. Her dream had been a portent? A chance they had never dreamed to have… but no.

Trainees would be cycled through to test their abilities to work with a cooperative group as well as be evaluated alone. Two weeks, the first scheduled to share with four other training operatives, the second her solo evaluation. She would be with him day and night in close proximity for a week, without being able to so much as casually smile at him as she’d like. The second week, already she was heady with the idea of it, but the first would be torture coupled with danger.

Tomorrow morning, in the dark predawn hours she would be dropped off, required to find her way to the camp, and the team week would begin. She had one day before her life would become a mine field of emotional and physical maneuvering. “I will be ready.” She nodded to the orders, she would be packed and ready to leave in under ten minutes. But there was still today, her other order gave her a start.

“I’m sorry Comrade General, please clarify my orders?” She stared wide eyed at the bearded man, he made no effort to hide his booming laugh as he patted her on the shoulder. “You were requested to escort Red Guardian today, someone has noticed you I think. Impressive for one so young, Romonova.” Impressive as the request might be, Natalia’s expression was not humility, it was shock. She didn’t want to spend the day being carted around with Alexi, she wanted to find James. Something in the pit of her stomach twisted, something felt very, very wrong about this.

[cold_shoulder]

By the morning, he was nearly drained. He'd managed to drift off and on for some lengths of time. It would have to be enough.

His head was too much of a fog to really let himself think of what had happened last night. Even more so, what was going to happen next. This was dangerous, extremely dangerous, and she possibly had no idea just what they could do to her...

Did he?

He shook his head, letting the shower wash away some of the thoughts. For now. They would return, but he would have assignments to perform today, and he had to focus on them. He had to keep up with everything, be perfect, be who he usually was. Be the Winter Soldier, and everything would have a chance to be safe.

Thankfully, the first session of the day was with fresh recruits; lessons which he had been over enough time that he could do them automatically. There weren't any surprises in this group. Half of them would drop out of the special program before three months were out, stuck as cannon fodder and decorated post-mortem when they could not give out any secret; most of the rest would still die heroically. Maybe two or three of them would be around in two years' time. If they were lucky.

After that, there were drafting assignments. Planning for different types of exercises. With different trainers, different levels of advancement of the students, from the rookies like the kids from this morning to those who were almost ready for missions of their own, work they needed to do...

Like she will be, soon. Too soon.

He carefully put that thought away from his mind and focused on the exercises, setups, traps, plans within plans, probabilities. Numbers and people, same weight, somehow.

"Comrade Winter Soldier."

He was up and at attention without turning around, at that voice. "Comrade General Karpov, Sir!"

"At ease, soldier." So he stood, at ease, but every bit of him presented for inspection. "You look tired."

"I returned from assignment in Algiers yesterday morning in the small hours, sir. Still adjusting."

"Adjusting, da?" The General took out a small knot of keys, his fingers stroking the metal. Even barely seeing them with his peripheral vision, he broke into cold sweat. Dark-cold-quiet-noise-words-concepts-good soldier-serve the Motherland-- "Do you need assistance with that adjustment?"

"Sir, no, sir." Calm. Stay calm. There is nothing to be afraid of. There is no pain that's worse than you need. This is an inspection, not an accusation. Not a threat.

"Good." He seemed to have done something well, because the Comrade General's voice relaxed, sleeked. "This survival program. I want you to rework it with these parameters." The General added a sheet of paper to the open folder. The Winter Soldier didn't look down on it. Whatever it was, he was going to do it, so why mind it sooner? "Understood?"

"Perfectly, sir."

"Good. Good boy. Get to work."

The general walked out, the clipped walk echoing down the hall. The Winter Soldier sat down in his chair - carefully not dropping into it, his arm (mostly) added a lot of weight to his muscled frame; he could find himself on the ground, and that wouldn't do - and turned the sheet around so he could read it.

And his mouth went dry.

He was going to be one of the two in charge of the survival exercise; that much he had surmised.

The group was going to contain five students for the first week and only one for the second week.

And, should she make it that long, both weeks would contain Comrade Trainee Natalia Romanova.

His eyes returned to the draft, and his mouth curled. Well, this wouldn't do to challenge her...

He focused back over the draft, this time letting his imagination and training take charge much more freely.

This was going to be complicated. But suddenly, he had something to look forward to. It shouldn't, but knowing he was going to have time, so near... it helped.

So near to her.

He made sure to not run his fingers over his lips at the thought of her, at each time he saw her name, until he was somewhere that he was certain was not observed in any way.

They would... have to talk before that.

All right, his eyes he could rub in public. Or as public as the office he was sitting in was. It was probably going to be a long while before he caught up with sleep.

[natalia_romanova]

How could she possibly contain herself? Had any of her superiors been aware they might well have commended her abilities to conceal such exuberance.

Her performance in training had earned her the notice of many; she would have to be more watchful, more mindful of every action. She could not afford to tarnish either of their reputations by even the hint of impropriety; so Natalia Romanova became the perfect trainee.

Her first covert action was keep up appearances of a normal life training in the program. Nothing was betrayed by glance or action that anything existed beyond her learning. It was then she realized how gifted she was for deceit; even to those in positions of power.

Half a day of training went smoothly and without interruption; until she was given her orders: Trainee Romanov was to escort The Red Guardian for the remainder of the day and see to him. The orders remained vague; no sense of the extent of her duties. To Natalia it seemed she was only there to be there.

There were benefits with such orders, of course.The Red Guardian; Alexi as he insisted she address him, was treated to the finest the program had to offer. Natalia had never tasted the sort of delicacies offered to Alexi. For the rest of the day Natalia enjoyed the privileges of rank; even as a guest among them.

Alexi was actually kind and far more gentle than his size might indicate; he had a soft rolling laugh that rumbled from deep in his throat. Whenever Natalia made a misstep in manner or form he corrected her with that soft chuckle and gentle words. "You will need to be as flawless in social circles as you are in battle, Natalia. There are such plans for you." Plans? For her? She was already as skilled, if not more so, than many of her trainers; one in particular aside.

The one she'd kept in the back of her mind; ever present in her thoughts but safely hidden away. He was her secret, her's alone and she cherished it. Her thoughts drifted to him for one tiny moment; a smile ghosted across her lips until she felt a large warm hand on her shoulder. Alexi had said something she missed, but had taken her smile as reaction; he seemed pleased.

Natalia kept her mind in strict check for the remainder of the day; when she was released to ready herself for her training the following morning she had to prettily demure the Red Guardian's offer to escort her to the dormitory. Some flattering lie of his company making her want to dawdle; the truth was she wanted to be away from them all.

She would have time with him; to be alone and away from the prying eyes of the program. Of course there was the matter of the week preceding it; a week in which they would be in close quarters and yet not alone. She would have to be extra mindful.

Even now her mind was whirling; she felt dizzy with excitement. Natalia, bell full of rich food, warm from a rush of excited blood thrilling through her, flopped across her bed. Red hair spilled in a fan and she finally allowed the smile and look she denied herself all day; lips that felt as though they'd just tasted another's, whispered that other's name.

"...James."

[cold_shoulder]

As soon as dinner was over and he was released, he returned to his room and crashed. Three hours, he estimated, before things were quiet enough for him to be able to move anyway. If he could sleep those three hours, it would be progress. He was getting to the point where he could function, but the finer details were becoming a blur, and he couldn't allow himself that.

With the hours since the last mental upheaval, with Karpov's visit, hours for training and self-discipline... and exhaustion to kick in, he was out like a light.

It wasn't three hours later to the minute when he woke up - that kind of precision was reserved for missions - but close enough. The quiet settling around his room was prompt enough, for his sufficiently trained mind. He splashed water on his face and neck, changed into a clean shirt - the intensive training tended to make that a necessity, sometimes several times a day - and stood just inside his window for long, still minutes as time slogged around him, treacly. But he had to make sure. That nobody was watching, that nobody was observing. That there were no new observation cameras that he couldn't evade.

And only when he was satisfied did he leave, quiet and focused. Attracting nobody's attention. Taking an indirect route and spending about as long watching the area around her dormitory before slipping down to her window.

A few more moments as the smile of her face amongst the fire spilled around it brought up a smile of his own. So beautiful. Like a spring flower, blossoming among thorns and winter dried statues of beauty that she couldn't not stand out beside.

Taps. Quiet, with the pad of a gloved finger. He wasn't calling her name out loud, not tonight, and the taps were halfway a notification that he was there and halfway a question. Was she still sure? Did she want him there?

[natalia_romanova]

At the sound she moved; fast enough to be at the window and see him before her imprint could even leave the bedding. The window pulled inward and her smile drew him inside more than hands ever could.

"I hoped you would come." There is was, said before she knew she'd even thought the words but they were as true as anything she could say.

She welcomed him in and closed the window behind him, careful to keep her movement from being too fast and calling attention should anyone happen to glance that way.

She looked to the light; obvious request for him to turn it out as they had done before. With the late hour it would not raise suspicions with her darkened window.

Natalia put away her boots and sat on the bed; her legs curled up under her, green eyes watching him expectantly, waiting for him to join her.

He must have received his orders, he must know what was to come. How did she then bring it up?

[cold_shoulder]

He nodded, slightly, and got the light. Then sat on the foot of the bed, facing her. Consciously relaxing himself into a cross-legged position that he could move easily from.

Then he let his eyes settle on her, meeting hers. And he smiled. "We have things we should talk through. And... I've been away."

Getting some steady sleep actually made a difference. It wasn't enough, but it helped. Also, he couldn't quite allow himself to recognize the sheer feeling of exhilaration in her presence. Now that... certain things had started happening. The Winter Soldier didn't grin goofily because a woman liked him, did he?

Well, he was pretty damn close.

He cleared his throat, forcing himself to focus. "Putting together what we know of the dangers ought to help coming up with the ways to avoid them. When we have that underway..." And then his right hand reached to run fingers over her knuckles. "More to talk of, too."

[natalia_romanova]

Natalia took her seat facing him in kind, as if it was some sort of mirror exercise. His smile, something about it effected her and made her return the look.

She nodded to the suggestion to talk, she was sure there was much to discuss, especially recent developments that altered the dynamic of their personal interactions.

His smile seemed lighter somehow, there was something more, or maybe something less to it than before. He seemed lighter himself; he would have those moments when he seemed almost someone else entirely.

"The training." She nodded; then shivered, her jaw slacked slightly at the soft touch across her skin. "We...we will have to behave as normal trainer and trainee. No action, no matter how small can be allowed to compromise that. I cannot be seen to be treated differently." Nor could she afford to react any differently to him than any other trainer.

[cold_shoulder]

"You won't." The answer was immediate, his expression darkening a little. "The training won't be easy, either. There will probably be casualties. How bad... will depend on how good everyone is." It wasn't much of a warning, really, it was survival training and she would have probably guessed it would be pushing them. "If anything, the fact that you'll be staying longer means you'll get the brunt of difficulty. It's...

"It won't be very much better when they're gone, either." They wouldn't be alone then, not completely.

Except that it would be better. He didn't know the words or the reasons, but he knew it would be.

He didn't know what he was doing, anymore. He was way too aware of himself to not realize that, but he didn't know why. And he didn't know if he should say so - a part of him wanted to lay open for her so she knew, too; another part - the long-standing instructor-trained part - was firmly against that idea.

In the end, he sighed, looking down at their hands - which was difficult with the after-image of that smile on her face, but he did.

"Natalia. This will be... difficult. And it won't ever stop being difficult. And the best we can hope for is that they'll put a stop on it, one way or another. The worst..." Eyes twitched up, but he didn't cringe. "They're unlikely to really want to waste either of us as a resource. And there are things worse than death.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Even if he knew that experience is on his side, and he should make the call. Break this off. That since he was here, since he wasn't letting go of her, that of itself would be urging her to not pull back - as instructor and... otherwise. (His lips tingled with the memory of her kiss...)

But he had to give her the option. It was only fair.

[natalia_romanova]

Natalia understood the severity of it better than he might have thought she would. She knew the situation she was heading into and how it was entirely possible that by means other than wash out, the program would be less a few students in a week. She was prepared for this, it meant they had watched her progress, it committed her to this "My performance has made me stand out, if I fail to live up to the promise of that, my superiors may decide I am unfit for further training at any time. The only hope I have is to continue and excel."

AS she saw it that was the only choice she had, if she refused, if she failed she was as good as dismissed, and that was only a kind word for a undesirable fate. She nodded to the idea with a cold acceptance; but the thought of being away from this place, of testing her metal and seeing him daily, it was enough to bring a smile to her lips.

"I'm not afraid." Clearly the words of one who hasn't yet come to understand what she had to lose. She only knew the thrilled of her heart when she was with him like this, the way her body warmed and tensed when they kissed. He made her feel like no other ever had, to her it meant it was worth all the risk involved for each and every moment together.

"James," His name a prayer on her lips, whispered reverently and with so much longing. "I want you." With what innocence she still retained it was not a wantonly sexual statement. It meant exactly what it said, she wanted him. Natalia wanted him in her life; to be with her, to talk to her as they did now, to be her friend and mentor, her guide and teacher of things beyond battle. Most of all she wanted him; she wanted James. That was the name she addressed, not The Winter Soldier. Could he have any lingering doubt of her affections? Surely he had to see by now that the girl was completely and utterly smitten with him.

[cold_shoulder]

He didn't have doubt of her affection, no. Great doubts about this being something they should do, yes. And even if the I want you sent a tingle down his spine - in an unexpected, unremembered kind of way - it was what she said before that which kept his focus. And made him reach to hold both of her hands in his.

"You're not afraid, no. But you will be." It wasn't a threat, but it was something she needed to hear. "You've drawn attention and you are getting moved to the fast track. The... advanced training. Anything you learn from now on will be dangerous if directed against us - they do not know just how much already," he would have smiled here, because that was his doing, except what he was saying was ... not a laughing matter. Nor a smirking one. "It means that if you fail, if they can not use you, there will be no parting of the ways. They will make sure you are eliminated.

"Too many secrets. Too many skills. You will need to focus on knowing how to pull through anything that they - that we - can throw at you. I shouldn't be a distraction."

It wasn't a command. It was a plea, the concern for her clear in his eyes. Clear and certain.

"And when they're done with the training..." It would get worse. Then she would see just how discardable even the most valued assets were, in the field. "Then it will get harder. The training is preparing you for what we'll be doing, but even the worst we do to you here won't compare to what you'll be facing out there. Natalia... Natasha. Please promise me you won't let me stop you still in your tracks. Whatever happens, keep moving. Forward, and on, and again. That is the only way to get through, and you need to remember this.

"Don't let me, this, us... don't let me weigh you down."

Because if she was gone, if he caused her to be taken down... what?

"Get down! Let go!"

"I can't!"

"Nooooo!"

He swallowed. "Promise me."

[natalia_romanova]

“I do not fear pain or death, they come to us all; but I do not wish to rush to meet them either.” She understood, and she nodded very seriously. She had been noticed, her value now was in remaining worthy of that notice. There was more at stake than her own progress now. There would be pride and ego on the line, not her own of course but those who might tout her praises and have such influence on her career. She had no choice, she must succeed and do so brilliantly, and any other outcome meant death.

“You are not a distraction, you are inspiration. That I have become what I am is in working to make you proud. I want to feel worthy of you.” That was…a mistake. She said something she should not as it placed him at a level of importance he would rather not be at. But she would at all times be honest with him; even as he trained her in deception to him she could not lie.

“Give me orders; direct me and I will be as they want me to be. I promise you James, I will not fall short, I will strive until my last breath for perfection.” There it was, not a vow to her party or her program, but one to him, so much deeper and more meaningful. She was making a promise that she would fulfill every goal and exceed it. Natalia would be the brightest star in the night, because that was what he asked, it was what was necessary.

“You cannot weigh me down,” Her head tipped to the side with a curious look to him; brows furrowed and her lips quirked before she spoke again. “You do not see it, do you?” Her deceitfully delicate hands took his face; she leaned in close to speak again. “You cannot weigh me down because you have given me wings to soar.”

[cold_shoulder]

He brought up her hands to press his lips against her knuckles. And he stayed that way, drinking in the scent, the taste, of her skin. Reveling in both her strength and her innocence. In her determination, in her... love.

The realization hit him, hard. Almost like a physical blow in the solar plexus, and his eyes and mouth opened, his gaze fixed on her. The glow of her eyes, the cadence, certainty of her voice. The dedication. Yes. This was for him, and him alone - not for the Red Room, not fer the Party, not for the people. Not for the Comrade out there. Only for him. And something inside of him melted, something that he'd held onto since the first time he'd stepped inside her window, something that shouldn't have been possible, that he didn't know (and yet he also knew it well, it fit like it belonged, inside).

"Natalia... people are never meant to actually be perfect. We can, and we do, and we will strive for perfection. But it is... impossible. Unachievable. You are brilliant, and beautiful, and you have so, so much room to grow. You don't have to lose your ... your self trying to fulfill an impossible promise."

His thumb rubbed over her folded fingers. "Live. It's much harder than being flawless. But, please. Live. As yourself."

She already was the brightest star. His brightest, even through all that was starting to leak inside his head - not as memories, but impressions. Feelings. Moments. Things he wanted to give her and knew he couldn't, probably shouldn't - though that part mattered less and less.

"Soar for me, then. Don't let anyone shoot you down. And I'll be proud of you."

The Winter Solder, the perfect weapon of the Project X, was swept in a flood of words, in a torrent of feeling - the things he was supposed to have too little of, and not miss them. But that was all right. So long as he was holding on to her small, strong hands.

[natalia_romanova]

"I'm not just another person. I can be perfect, if I am not, at everything, I will lose." She would lose her life, her position and him. She had no intention of merely getting by in the program, she would be it's finest student. Perfection was freedom, she saw that now, by not following each example given, by achieving each goal but with her own style and means she had advanced. Perfection was not defined by what the program knew because the program had never seen her in action before. Natalia would redefine perfection for The Red Room, not out of ego, but because it was what she had to do.

"I will do both, I can Miliy moi."

It was the first time she used such address with him, and in her own tongue rather than the English he had her use so often. It was specific, the English was artifice, facade, this came from her heart and she wanted him to know and understand that. Natalia was in love with him, there was not question to her now. All that remained was for them to not suffer for it.

"Watch me soar, as graceful as the ballerina on the stage, I will be in battle. It will be a dance, a thing of beauty and skill." Prophetic declaration as her skills would so soon be tested.

She glanced out the window, the moon was higher than it should be, night was waning too quickly. "I should rest, for tomorrow." Though it was clear by her tone that she would far rather spend her time with him than sleeping. "We have much work ahead of us, as you said."

[cold_shoulder]

"Bog moi, Natalia," he said with a tired, but real, gentle smile - not quite berating her, more along the lines of soft chiding, "do not be a child, listen. You can be superb - it is perfection that is... It is static, unchangeable, until life moves on. Be adaptable, be real. That is better than perfect. That will keep you alive and capable of doing better yet, the time after that. Please, believe me."

And his eyes did warm up at the address, at the image she was describing.

"That, I know you will. You will dance your way into men's dreams and nightmares both, embraced by the night even in the light of day. Faultless. Almost invisible, definitely uncatchable, but unforgettable. And those who do see you will know the fire that you are, too, wrapped in the shadows. Not as I know your fire. But you'll still blaze through their lives and incinerate what you aim to destroy."

He swallowed. Where had all these words come from? He didn't know. But he could see it. Could see her, somehow, and all that it would cost her - and all the ways she just wasn't going to turn away from those costs.

"You are almost that good, already. And you will keep on getting better. And all the rewards you receive, you will have earned.

"My Natalia."

[natalia_romanova]

He didn't rebuke her, not truly, but still she shrank a bit. He still called her a child, he still saw her as such. She had so much to prove to him, he didn't want perfection but..wasn't that the goal for them all? What could imperfection serve that perfection could not? "Better than perfect." She thought on it, thought hard.

Perfection, honing her skills until she could easily do them in her sleep. She could be the most formidable, each movement, action, step sure always the same, every time...Always the same! That was what he meant! If she preformed the same every time eventually that would be a determent, she could be anticipated. By being perfect she would allow someone to devise counter strategy and she would not know how to deal with it. So, she must be flexible, the light of the idea dawned in her eyes. That mind that he prized her for, above the abilities others saw, now proved him right.

"Like dance, I must remain fluid enough to compensate and ready to adapt. I understand." And she did, it was so very clear to her now, as was the reason so many others had failed. They had studied for perfection, which only made them a more perfect target. She would need to constantly reinvent herself to stay a step ahead. She would have to learn all she could, not just about fighting. Combat was a necessity, but there could be ways around it, there would be other skills she would need. She would know them, all.

He flattered her again and she demurred with a soft smile, but looked up sharply at his last address to her. It was so familiar, so warm, so sincere that she moved before she realized it. Her lips found his and everything she wanted to say poured into her kiss. A sweet desperation flavored with a promise, this was not a crush. She felt for him, and in this moment she could show it. She didn't know when the chance would come again, so she took it for all it was worth.

[cold_shoulder]

He was watching her, carefully, intently as she worked it out. And then the realization dawned on her face, in her voice, in her words. Understanding. And his eyes lit up, a little. Smiled a little. "Молодец." Softly, truly. Praise, because, yes, she was thinking. She was taking in information and drawing conclusions from it, true ones. The ones that would keep her alive, out there.

And, this time, when she kissed him, he drew her closer, the metal hand behind her back to keep her near, the other one rising up to stroke her cheek, the edge of her ear, then cup the back of her head as he kissed back.

For a change, just now, the worry that this would destroy - her, he thought, and that was worse than the idea that it would destroy himself - was put to rest. It made him relax, a little. Made him bask in her warmth, in her affection, and it felt - he felt - all right. The sensation... it rippled through him, a release from the tension that had been building up in him for a while, now, keeping him awake, on edge.

It couldn't be good, a part of him knew, it couldn't end well. But oh, it felt so... so much better than anything he could remember.

So he leaned a little back, resting his shoulders against the headboard, and drew her in with him.

[natalia_romanova]

She went, oh so willingly. In a typical teenage rush of hormones she had no idea what was going to happen but it obliterated everything else in that moment. It was a mistake that in any other setting might have been lethal, but with him she was safe to lose herself. For the first time in her memory she did lose herself, the feel of him, sense of him was all she knew and she drank it in. He was with her, not the Winter Soldier but James, her James.

She whispered things between kisses, terms of endearment, promises, words that had no meaning only feelings that poured from her. She was in love, she knew it to be true, she had been careful not to expose the secret to anyone, but she knew it as surely as she knew the feel, weight and balance of her training pistol. This was illicit and forbidden but that hardly stopped her, it was perhaps unlocking the doors of making her unstoppable in other ways as well.

She stretched with his recline and her body laid across his, a small and feverishly warm blanket of arms and legs enfolding him. Her heated lips taking his and offering themselves back while hands ran over his shoulders and chest in slow, easy exploration. She simply could not get enough of him. Reality would intrude sooner or later, but having had a taste of this she was brazen now to take all she could get of this intimacy.

[cold_shoulder]

His mind attempted to get hazy, a swirl of sensations overwhelming him, but he fought against it, trying to register every move, each word, all the sensory input. There was little that he recalled that felt pleasant, let alone truly good or beautiful, and this was too much of all of these to let any part of it go to waste.

And then there was her. She was gorgeous, and he was not quite sure how to express the appreciation, the attraction, in ways that were neither gross nor - breaking. But she was. Fire of her hair, flame in her eyes, body slender and supple, yet curvy, in perfect shape... He ran his fingers down her side, then up, brushing the side of a breast, then settled with the tips resting against the pulse at her throat, and just... kissed her. Yes, his trousers were getting tight, but with her weight against him and the way they moved, with the scent and taste of her on him, it was good. So good.

[natalia_romanova]

Want. It is a powerful thing. To the mind of a teenager, albeit a remarkably mature one, it was an all consuming thing. Want was a hunger that could not be sated by words and even the actions that lead to it only seemed to add fuel to the flame.
She wanted him.

She wanted him.

There might have been many others who would willingly and with enthusiasm shared a bed with her had she approached them, but she had one one object of her desire, her affection. Where before they had been cautious and careful, drawing strict boundaries between them; now they seemed to want to break every self imposed rule they'd created.

Every time his hand grazed her skin she made a sound, a tiny gasp of surprise or a mewl of pleasure or a low, throaty moan of need. The only frustrating part was not knowing what it was she needed, well in broad terms she knew, she understood what made her ache and feel empty. But specifically what did she want? Release? Pleasure? A lover? What would happen when and if they had their fill of each others bodies; assuming she ever could get her fill.

Her legs parted and slid to rest on the bedspread, knees drew up to allow her to straddle his hips. Ohhh that reaction of his, it made her bite her lower lip and pull back to look at him. If her green eyes had been aflame before they were an inferno now. She smoldered for him, and that heat was not lacking in their near connection below. Her hips rocked on him, even with cloth between them there was friction and that was delicious.

Natalia's lips moved from his and drew down along his jaw line. Rough stubble scraped against soft skin, each inch of the path traced in fiery marks of mouth, teeth and tongue. She moved further still, working her way along his throat and glorying in the way it made his Adam's apple jump when she nipped and licked her way back. Her teeth worried over the soft flesh of his ear lobe, tugging gently before sucking softly at it. She spoke the words, words women and men have said in a thousand languages since the dawn of time. She knew what she wanted, and she made it clear.

[cold_shoulder]

Oh. Ohhh.

He gave a low moan at the friction, the pressure, the warmth of her rubbing against him, a moan that was swallowed by the kiss, then he. Oh...

This felt so good it couldn't be right, and, yet, he knew it was. It only took him a moment of hesitation before he tilted his head back, exposing his throat in a gesture that he was keenly aware was an ultimate vulnerability... and turned him on even more.

Because this was her. Because his lips were already whispering her name almost noiselessly, before she whispered back. Those words. Those words that he both didn't understand and understood perfectly. Those words that nobody who did what he did should ever deserve, and yet - given freely. To him. By her. Eyes squeezed shut, he answered. All the demons help him, he answered in kind.

He shuddered, and held her closer. The flesh-and-blood fingers stroked the delicate nape of her neck (so little more than a child's, and yet - so much more). His other hand, oh so lightly, as much so as he could get feedback from the metal, moved down along her back - and then slid down between her legs, over the fabric of her underwear, sliding back and forth. She could get some of the pleasure of rubbing, too.

A deep breath. "Natalia... It - we are not prepared now to - come fully together, tonight. The next mission, I will get protection. But it is a bad idea without it. Do you... understand?" Words were difficult. But he was certain about this. The last thing they wanted, especially right now? Was her to get pregnant. (No child should be brought into this, and she was barely more than one, herself...)

[natalia_romanova]

She whimpered with his touch, the fingers at her neck so strong and rough and encouraging of her own exploration of him; and the other hand, cold metal warmed by contact with her now giving her reason to writhe all the more. He touched her and suddenly the pleasure thundered through her, cotton between her sensitivity and his fingers. More, she wanted more, she wanted all of him.

Her hips rocked now but with more purpose; her hands slid down his body to offer the same touch he did for her. It was new and it was fumbling but there was no hiding the quick pace of her breath or the heavy glaze of excitement in her eyes. She almost didn’t hear his words of caution, but eventually they made it through the swirling haze of her arousal. He wanted her, she could tell that much, but he was right. Evidence of their affair would be cause for punishment, if she were to actually fall pregnant it could mean death, perhaps for them both.

She groaned in frustration, wanting and being unable to have, it was such a tease. But... there were other ways were there not? “We cannot fully be together, you are right. But please, let me see you? Touch you. James, please.” The tone was almost a plea, so very nearly begging him. Natalia desperately wanted to share something, if not the act itself. She could be satisfied with that she thought.

She fell forward again, her lips and teeth at his throat as her hands worked to free him of his shirt. Buttons shed with careful efficiency, not one ripped or torn as he would need to be presentable at a moment’s notice. She bared his chest and ran hands along it, slender fingers tracing the lines of muscle and bone, carefully playing over scars and bruises with loving softness. And then her hands moved lower.

She moaned into his throat, lips vibrating against the skin as her hands moved down to feel him. The solid heat of his reaction to her; god it was exciting. Her hands fumbled on the belt, the button, the zip, all too loud and too slow for her taste. She had to feel him without the barriers, to know his passion for her was something she could stoke and more importantly something she could bring to climax.

Warm dainty hands dipped under his garments and found him. Thick and hard and smooth like the silk shawl she’d been given for being a good recruit. She stopped kissing his neck and now just panted against it; marveling at the maleness of him. “My god James, you’re perfect.”